Your Second Half Prognostos

And now it’s time for . . . second-half prognostos.

We’re going right to the source here, the ne plus ultra of the prognosticatory arts – The Magic 8-Ball. We will consult this oracle to discern just what lies in store for the Caps (and some other things) for the rest of this year . . .

Oh, Magic 8-Ball . . . will the Caps procure a defenseman before the trading deadline?
…yes.

Will Richard Zednik finish the season a Cap?
...yes

Will this defenseman trip over the boards in his first practice and be lost for the season to a "lower body" injury?
…ask me later.

Oh, great oracle, is Peter Forsberg in the Caps’ future?
…ask yourself. (hey, did I get a wise-ass 8-ball?)

Will Alex Ovechkin win the Richard Trophy?
…not a chance (not exactly shy about it, are you?)

Will Alexander Semin win it?
…yes (well, that’s better)

Will Ovechkin win the Ross Trophy?
…signs look good.

Will he win the Hart Trophy?
…ask me later.

Will the Caps finish the season above .500?
…yes.

Will they make the playoffs?
…no

Will they finish ahead of Pittsburgh?
...who knows?

Will they be a lottery team?
...no

Will Glen Hanlon win the Adams Trophy?
…no

Will Sidney Crosby be spirited away by aliens?
…who knows? (The Peerless didn’t hear a “no” in there…)

Will the Penguins stay in Pittsburgh?
…no

Will Gary Bettman suffer weeping sores and have his limbs set upon by rabid gerbils?
…signs look good (hope springs eternal!)

Will The Peerless win the Powerball grand prize?
…yes

Well, The Peerless is off to see what island he wants to buy.