We've got spirit, how 'bout you?!

We’ve got spirit, yes we do!

Well, we will…in the fall. The Capitals announced that they are establishing a “Spirit Squad” and “are seeking energetic, outgoing people who love the game of hockey and want to perform in front of sold-out crowds at Verizon Center!” The exclamation point is theirs. So is the bit about performing in front of sold out crowds…does that mean we don’t see them every night?

But this being July, and the draft and most of the choice pickings of free agents now in our rear-view mirror, calendar-wise, this issue (and only in Washington could this rise to the level of being an “issue") is hot on The Official and in the local blogosphere. While The Peerless is officially indifferent to the whole idea of cheerleaders, spirit squads, or crazy crews – male, female, or other mammal – he is obligated, as an unofficial member of the Washington Capitals Blogging League, to write something about this.

But he really doesn’t want to, so he’s going to turn it over to the boys and girls of The McLaughlin Group, who can bloviate with the best of them when it comes to issues no one outside the beltway cares about…

John McLaughlin…”Issue 1…’Spirit Squad’…good idea or deranged brain cramp?…Mor-TAHN MotherZuckerman…”

Morton Zuckerman…”John, I think…”

J-Mac...”WRONG!...You don’t think on this show, that’s my job…Eleanor Such a Bore Clift…”

Eleanor Clift…”John, you’re always…”

J-Mac…”WRONG!...”

Pat Buchanan…”You certainly are, John…”

J-Mac…”very droll, Pat…the correct answer is, ‘inspired diversion’…Issue 2…’Women only, or coed?’ Patty Melt Buchanan…”

Pat…”John, there are just some roles that are meant only for women, and…”

J-Mac…”WRONG!...there are just some roles that are meant only for gorgeous women …Eleanor…”

Eleanor…”John, you are such a chauvinist dinosaur…”

J-Mac...”WRONG!...I’m an endangered ignoramus!...Issue 3…’professionally designed long-sleeved shirts and pants’ or ‘midriff-baring tops and short skirts?’…Mort…”

Mort…”I’m going to need to go to the gym if I’m going to wear midriff-baring tops, John…”

J-Mac...”WRONG!...No amount of time in the gym can help you with that…Pat…”

Pat…”I’m going to have to shave my legs to wear those short skirts…”

J-Mac...’WRONG!..”

Eleanor…”thank heavens…”

J-Mac…”The correct answer is…’parkas and leggings’…Issue 4…"On a scale of 0 to 10--with 0 representing zero possibility and 10 representing metaphysical certitude--what is the chance of this stunt ‘enhancing the game experience?’ Sporty Morty on the Back Forty…”

Mort…2

J-Mac…”WRONG!...Eleanor Won’t Get No More…

Eleanor…3

J-Mac…WRONG!...Patrick Thick as a Brick...

Pat…5

J-Mac…”WRONG!...The answer is Jose Theodore’s career save percentage…point nine-oh-nine…Predictions, Mort…”

Mort…”By August 1^st, this issue will be overtaken by discussion of whether the Caps will have an alternate jersey with their fruit bat logo.”

J-Mac…”Eleanor (and it’s a ‘weagle,’ Mort)…”

Eleanor…”Caps fans will quickly move on from this tempest in a short skirt and delve into discussions of more important issues, like whether the price of the chicken tenders basket will surpass the $10 mark in another sign of rampant inflation.”

J-Mac…”The chicken tenders will NOT pass the $10 mark, but the nachos will be replaced with veggie snack chips in an effort to provide healthier fare…Pat…”

Pat…”Commissioner Gary Bettman will issue a decree requiring every team to employ scantily-clad females in an effort to secure a TV deal with HBO, with games to be shown after midnight, right after that show in a taxicab…”

J-Mac…”The Peerless will swear off late night pepperoni and double cheese pizzas, but will soon fall off the wagon, claiming that they are a necessary inspiration for his blogging…bye-BYE!”