New Duds

OK, so the referees are debuting new uniforms at the All Star Game. They were described by Keith Leach, Director of NHL Merchandising, Reebok, thusly...

"Aesthetically, the design of the 2009 NHL All-Star Eastern and Western Conference uniforms is a deliberate break from traditional hockey uniform patterning and symbolizes the revolutionary advances the sport has made in both technology and popularity. The asymmetric cut lines are meant to create visual motion in the uniform, which is both a literal reference to the speed of the game and symbolic reference to its evolution into the future. The officials' jerseys will enhance the way the referees and linesmen follow the action on the ice without fear that their microphones will become entangled."

Now, how many of you channeled Charlie Brown's teacher as you were reading that?...

"wah wah-wah-wah-wah...wah-wah... wah-wah-wah... wah... wah-wah... wah-wah-wah-wah."

Cut the runway crap and get to the important questions...

"Is it slimming? (Don Koharski)

"Any pockets for tubes of hair mousse?" (Kerry Fraser)

"What, no Bruin logo?" (Chris Rooney)

"Will I suck in this uniform, too?" (Chris Ciamaga)

"Will the asymmetric cut lines clash with my cheesy mustache?" (Bill McCreary)

"Yeah, what he said... (Don VanMassenhoven)

"Will people stop telling me how much they loved me in 'A Few Good Men?'" (Kevin Pollock)

"Piping! Where's the piping?!" (Gary Bettman)