On February 21, 2010, the United States and Canada will take the ice in each team’s last game in the Group A preliminary round in men's ice hockey at the Winter Olympics in Vancouver.
The National Broadcasting Company, once the official television home of major league baseball, the Rose Bowl, the NCAA men’s basketball tournament, the NBA, and NASCAR, has decided that the ultimate game in the preliminary round of men’s ice hockey involving Team USA and Team Canada will have to be moved to MSNBC to make room for…
Ice Dancing.
In the words of Lewis Black, “I will repeat that.” The National Broadcasting Company, once the official television home of major league baseball, the Rose Bowl, the NCAA men’s basketball tournament, the NBA, and NASCAR, has decided that the ultimate game in the preliminary round of men’s ice hockey involving Team USA and Team Canada will have to be moved to MSNBC to make room for…
Ice Dancing.
And not even the medal performances for ice dancing, either. It will be a telecast of the “original dance” portion of the competition, the second of three components (“compulsory” and “free” dance being the others, for those following along).
Hockey isn’t even being pre-empted for figure “skating” or speed “skating,” but rather their little brother of the species. The one you wouldn’t pick if you were choosing sides for a game. We wondered just how such a thing could happen, how such a network with a proud history of big time sports coverage could come to this. Well, we found out about the corporate meeting to be held to talk about how the Games would be covered, and we scribbled some notes down as we were hiding in a closet just off the conference room…
NBC Muckety Muck: “OK, ladies and gentlemen, we have a schedule to finish up here, so get away from the free booze for five minutes and let’s finish this.”
Other executives: -grumble grumble grumble-
MM: “OK, we’re up to February 21st. We have a choice to make here… we have Ice Dancing.”
Effete Network Snob: “Oh, yes, we have to have this as our feature event. The Olympics are about striving and art and…”
Cigar-Chomping Old, Old Timer: “sequins”
Loud, Obnoxious, Uncommonly Demonstrative Guy: “SLAH-lom… we need more SLAH-lom”
ENS: “You always say that.”
LOUD Guy: “’cuz it’s always TRUE.”
COOT: “Yeah, we can get the NASCAR crowd…you know, the ones who only watch for the crashes?”
MM: “Brilliant!...Slalom it is. But that won’t fill up our entire time slot there. We still need to fill the slot.”
Village Idiot: “Maybe we could have Jay do a half hour there.”
MM: “Get that guy outta here…”
ENS: “You can’t do better than Ice Dancing… it’s like ‘Dancing With the Stars,’ only, well… colder.”
COOT: “On a different network, bub…”
ENS: “One that’s doing better than ours, in case you haven’t noticed”
COOT: “Cable access channels in Peoria are doing better than us.”
LOUD Guy: “That’s ‘cuz we need more SLAH-lom…”
MM: “OK, that’s enough. We’re not getting anywhere with this. We have ice dancing and hockey… let’s run down the pros and cons…”
COOT: “Hockey will bring in the fight crowd…”
ENS: “No one watches that barbarism anymore…”
LOUD Guy: “Yeah, and besides, nobody FIGHTS in Olympic hockey.”
ENS: “But ice dancing is wholesome, uplifting entertainment.”
LOUD Guy: “Yeah, but it’s not SPORT!”
COOT: “Got a point there…it’s like American Idol on skates.”
ENS: “Different network…”
LOUD Guy: “ANOTHER network doing better than us...”
MM: "Look folks, we need to fill this time slot, and we’re not going to do it with slalom and ads for ‘The Biggest Loser’”
LOUD Guy: “I LOVE that show!”
ENS: “You and six other people in America…”
MM: “OK, let’s go around the room one last time…”
ENS: “Ice dancing”
COOT: “Hockey”
LOUD Guy: “MORE SLAH-lom!”
MM: “This is the toughest decision I've ever had to make... but I get paid 1.2 million dollars to make these kind of decisions...so here it is…
…ice dancing. I’ve always hated that Bettman guy.”
Other execs: “OK, can we go back to the free booze NOW?!”
The National Broadcasting Company, once the official television home of major league baseball, the Rose Bowl, the NCAA men’s basketball tournament, the NBA, and NASCAR, has decided that the ultimate game in the preliminary round of men’s ice hockey involving Team USA and Team Canada will have to be moved to MSNBC to make room for…
Ice Dancing.
In the words of Lewis Black, “I will repeat that.” The National Broadcasting Company, once the official television home of major league baseball, the Rose Bowl, the NCAA men’s basketball tournament, the NBA, and NASCAR, has decided that the ultimate game in the preliminary round of men’s ice hockey involving Team USA and Team Canada will have to be moved to MSNBC to make room for…
Ice Dancing.
And not even the medal performances for ice dancing, either. It will be a telecast of the “original dance” portion of the competition, the second of three components (“compulsory” and “free” dance being the others, for those following along).
Hockey isn’t even being pre-empted for figure “skating” or speed “skating,” but rather their little brother of the species. The one you wouldn’t pick if you were choosing sides for a game. We wondered just how such a thing could happen, how such a network with a proud history of big time sports coverage could come to this. Well, we found out about the corporate meeting to be held to talk about how the Games would be covered, and we scribbled some notes down as we were hiding in a closet just off the conference room…
NBC Muckety Muck: “OK, ladies and gentlemen, we have a schedule to finish up here, so get away from the free booze for five minutes and let’s finish this.”
Other executives: -grumble grumble grumble-
MM: “OK, we’re up to February 21st. We have a choice to make here… we have Ice Dancing.”
Effete Network Snob: “Oh, yes, we have to have this as our feature event. The Olympics are about striving and art and…”
Cigar-Chomping Old, Old Timer: “sequins”
Loud, Obnoxious, Uncommonly Demonstrative Guy: “SLAH-lom… we need more SLAH-lom”
ENS: “You always say that.”
LOUD Guy: “’cuz it’s always TRUE.”
COOT: “Yeah, we can get the NASCAR crowd…you know, the ones who only watch for the crashes?”
MM: “Brilliant!...Slalom it is. But that won’t fill up our entire time slot there. We still need to fill the slot.”
Village Idiot: “Maybe we could have Jay do a half hour there.”
MM: “Get that guy outta here…”
ENS: “You can’t do better than Ice Dancing… it’s like ‘Dancing With the Stars,’ only, well… colder.”
COOT: “On a different network, bub…”
ENS: “One that’s doing better than ours, in case you haven’t noticed”
COOT: “Cable access channels in Peoria are doing better than us.”
LOUD Guy: “That’s ‘cuz we need more SLAH-lom…”
MM: “OK, that’s enough. We’re not getting anywhere with this. We have ice dancing and hockey… let’s run down the pros and cons…”
COOT: “Hockey will bring in the fight crowd…”
ENS: “No one watches that barbarism anymore…”
LOUD Guy: “Yeah, and besides, nobody FIGHTS in Olympic hockey.”
ENS: “But ice dancing is wholesome, uplifting entertainment.”
LOUD Guy: “Yeah, but it’s not SPORT!”
COOT: “Got a point there…it’s like American Idol on skates.”
ENS: “Different network…”
LOUD Guy: “ANOTHER network doing better than us...”
MM: "Look folks, we need to fill this time slot, and we’re not going to do it with slalom and ads for ‘The Biggest Loser’”
LOUD Guy: “I LOVE that show!”
ENS: “You and six other people in America…”
MM: “OK, let’s go around the room one last time…”
ENS: “Ice dancing”
COOT: “Hockey”
LOUD Guy: “MORE SLAH-lom!”
MM: “This is the toughest decision I've ever had to make... but I get paid 1.2 million dollars to make these kind of decisions...so here it is…
…ice dancing. I’ve always hated that Bettman guy.”
Other execs: “OK, can we go back to the free booze NOW?!”
With luck, there will be fewer commercials on MSNBC. If only we could be rid of the milbury pestilence, leave him over at channel 4, with the sequins. Actually, ice dancing is rather nicer than figure skating - the dancers don't fall on their bums as much.
ReplyDeleteThis post presumes that NBC is some sort of prestigious channel that the best events deserve to be broadcast over. Phoooey that. MSNBC might be more respected, which is ironic.
ReplyDeleteJust looking at the bright side.
From a ratings standpoint it sadly makes perfect sense. Millions of female figure skating fans out there. Not many of them are ALSO hockey fans.
ReplyDelete