A Winter...Classic?

Seems the Penguins unveiled, unfurled, left in an alley in the dead of night (take your pick) their version of the Winter Classic jersey today.  It's a honey, a beaut, a real traffic stopper.

I was wondering though...

-- If they were going to try to stuff as many rings on it as possible, wouldn't you have thought they would settle on 87 rings, instead of five?

-- Speaking of rings, what, they cut open Evgeni Malkin and counted the rings to figure out this is his fifth year in the league?

-- Do they really think a dumpy penguin in a scarf doing his best imitation of the first moments of a Sidney Crosby dive is the best way to sell the game?

-- Just where did they find the late Justice Rehnquist's robe, anyway?

-- If you're doing pinstripes, don't they go up and down, not side to side?

-- Why do I have this recurring image of "every good boy does fine" running around in my head and a hankerin' to sit down at a piano and write a jingle?

-- It looks like what they might have had as bridesmaid dresses if "Diner" had been shot in Pittsburgh.