Friday, November 03, 2006

The Peerless Prognosticator is ON THE AIR! -- Caps vs. Thrashers, November 3rd

The Peerless Prognosticator is ON THE AIR!!

Well, the boys are back in town for a tilt with the Atlanta Thrashers tonight after a successful (2-1-1) road trip to the great Northwest. Fine goaltending was the key as Caps goaltenders turned away 148 of 159 shots – 93.1 percent. By the same token, that’s 39.8 shots allowed per game and that . . .

“See, what do I tell ya, they don’t get no respect, no respect at all . . . “

Rodney? How the hell are you? I thought you were dead.

“Yeah, well, a lot of people tell me that these days.”

So, what brings you here?

“Hey, the Caps are doing okay, ya know? And I just wanted to see the boys play . . . I really like those boys, especially that Ovechkin kid. He’s hits harder than a bottle o’ bad booze. And whatta wrist shot, whatta wrist shot . . . he’s so fast, by the time the puck is in the net, it’s last week . . .”

How did you like the road trip?

“Oh, a great road trip, a great road trip. I tell ya . . . I thought when they started out they’d be giving up goals like they were AOL subscriptions, but that Olie the Goalie . . . whatta goalie. He made more stops than the 23 bus to Crystal City.”

But what about the Thrashers, tonight, Rodney?

“What are ya tellin’ me, Thrashers . . . a pigeon with an agent, that’s all a Thrasher is. What do they have, anyway. Marian Hossa . . . what kinda name is Marian for a hockey player? And Jonathan Sim . . . sounds like he ought to be in one o’ those English movies on PMS . . . you know, that public station.”

They’re mighty good, Rodney. They’re leading the Southeast by five points this morning.

“Ah, who cares? It’s November for cryin’ out loud. The only things I count in November are how many helpings of stuffing I have at Thanksgiving dinner.”

But what do you think about our kids?

“Oh, they’re so young, so young . . . when Hanlon calls for a change, the assistant coach breaks out a box of Pampers.”

What about the Alexes?

“Are you kiddin’ me? . . . These Russian kids are so good . . . they’re going to make people forget about vodka, I tell ya.”

Well, what do you think about tonight . . . how will it all fall out?

“It’s gonna be a great game, a great game. Here’s Atlanta, they’re doin’ everything good, ya know? Sixth in scoring . . . ninth in power play . . . ninth in penalty kill . . . you look at every stat, and they’re right about there, ya know? They do everything pretty good . . . they’re more regular than I am after a bran muffin. And that Koval- what, ‘chook’…’chuk’…’chick’ . . . hey, just write me the check, huh? He’s something else . . . and that Kozlov . . . don’t get to a shootout, he’s better than Wyatt Earp at the OK Corral . . . “

They’ve had a great start . . .

“Yeah, well it’s not how ya start, it’s how ya finish . . . I learn that every time I go to the track.”

What about the Caps, tonight, Rodney?

“I’m going to be watching that Pettinger kid. I really like that kid, a real go-getter. He got 20 goals last year, and I think he’s gonna get his first tonight. Buy, hey, the third time’s the charm, I tell ya . . . the Caps lost a couple o’ hard ones to these guys already. Tonight, that Ovechkin kid is going to make them pay . . . bring a hat, I tell ya. You’re gonna need one.”

So you think it’s going to be a good night for the Caps?

“It’s gonna be a great night, a great night, I tell ya . . . hey, these kids get no respect, no respect at all. I turn on the local sports show to get Caps highlights, and they’re showin’ me commercials with a guy smilin’ and somebody talking about ‘male enhancement.’ It’s about time these kids got some respect . . . like that Zednik kid, had a couple o’ goals last game . . . and that defenseman, Pothier – tied for third in assists for defensemen, a nice kid, nice kid . . . and that young guy, Gordon – looks like the kid next door who steals apples off your tree, a hard worker . . . hey, these kids are pretty good, ya know?”

So who are you picking?

“Well, Caps fans are gonna have a great time, a great time . . . Caps 6 – Thrashers 2 . . .

. . . I just hope I’m better at pickin’ hockey games than I am pickin’ horses at the track.”