Monday, June 04, 2007

And Now, A Moment to Ponder...Mohawks

The Peerless gives a nod of his prodigious melon to Dan Steinberg over at D.C. Sports Bog for his recognition of my deploringly limited review of Bears' Mohawks, in this, the Mohawk season.

The Peerless will leave to others the significance of this particular hair style to the sport of hockey, only to say that the following is from a wikipedia entry on the subject . . .

The Clonycavan Man, a 2300-year-old male bog body found near Dublin, Ireland was found to be wearing a Mohawk, held together with plant oil and pine resin imported from southwestern France or Spain.

The modern Mohawk was influenced by the Roman military helmet, the Galea, which was a descendent of the Greek 'sideways mohawk' helmet of phalanx fighters. The movie 300 incorrectly depicts many Ancient Greeks wearing war helmets have a strip of hair down the middle, instead of the correct sideways strip.

The Mohawk is often thought to have been worn by the Mahican and Mohawk tribes, but the name is in fact a misnomer; it is believed that the Wyandot were in fact the first Native American tribe to wear the hairstyle, but early French explorers mistook them for the Mohawk tribe. In French the hairstyle is called Iroquois. During World War II, members of the Allied Airborne soldiers (specifically the 101st Airborne Division - the "Screaming Eagles") shaved their hair into Mohawks.

So, as you can see, we can establish a link between "Mohawks" and "bogs." There...that business taken care of, we can move to the matter at hand...a review of selected Mo-Bear-Hawks (these are not ranked, as The Follically Challenged Peerless would not dare to bring the wrath of the Rogaine Gods down on anyone, least of all himself)...

Matt Hendricks...the stunning blondhawk displayed to the crowd on Saturday reflected a keen sense of color (can blond be "neon?") and attention to trim...not to spiky, not too long, just "mohawkish" enough. It could have been on the cover of a magazine (Mohawks Anonymous?).

Mike Green...Greenie deserves his own category for the sawed off sock he appears to be wearing on his head as he comes out in the pre-pre-game for shooting around with Louis Robitaille (more on him in a moment). The white tube circumnavigating his cranium does a passable job of leaving a tuft of growth sprouting from the opening at the top. It could be a fashion statement that catches on. Well, maybe not.

Scott Barney...easily the most fearsome 'hawk of them all. Scott pairs the ancient ferocity of the Mohawk style with the menacing look of the muttonchopial growth surrounding cheek and chin. He looks like a guy who would make bouncers shiver, which The Peerless supposes is the whole point of the exercise.

Louis Robitaille...clearly of the minimalist school, the 'hawk is understated and close to the normal length he might wear. In fact, it might not even be a Mohawk at all, it just might be a self-inflicted haircut. But then, that's Louie....always keepin' 'em guessin'.

Bruce Boudreau...the "reverse 'hawk" is a time-honored style preferred...well, not preferred as much as men of a certain age. It screams "gravitas" (and if you've heard a hair style scream, it's a sign to back off the adult beverages). Compare that to the full mane he sported in his brief film career (#7 for the Presidents in the movie, "Slapshot"), and you can tell that Coach has matured while still keeping one foot in the hip.

Tomas Fleischmann...well, actually, the youngster probably can't (or at least shouldn't) engage in this style. His head would probably look like it sprouted alfalfa.

Kip Brennan...although he's been sent to the sidelines for the duration, the 'hawk lives on in the memories of Bears fans. It fairly shouts 'ferocity.' Similar to the Scott Barney version, it also included something of a swept-up quality to the business portion of the 'hawk. Sort of a "gathering storm" element.

Deryk Engelland...a cross between Parris Island and the indigenous Mohawk - buzzed on the sides and sturdy in the middle. It is a reminder that one thought-to-be origin of the name, "Mohawk" is that from the Narragansett word for "man-eaters."

If The Peerless forgot anyone, and he's sure he did, please accept his hearfelt apologies...wear those Mohawks proudly, boys. And to the fans - and there are too many of you for any reasonable level of comfort - sporting the Mohawk in and around Hershey, The Peerless doffs his cap to you. You are truly deranged...and he means that in the best way...honest.

pictures courtesy of The Patriot-News