Pass the Pepto, The Peerless is Going to be Ill

As a Caps fan, I wanted to retch.

As a hockey fan, I found it eight shades of creepy.

Read this, dear Caps fan, but do not do it on a full stomach.

Such blind hero worship in an eight-year old is understandable – in its own way even laudable as a standard for the youngster to emulate. But in a “journalist” who represents “The Worldwide Leader in Sports?”

Some of the fingernails John Buccigross dragged down a chalkboard . . .

“This season's story has unquestionably been what is happening in Pittsburgh…

“…ESPN The Magazine has put Ron Artest on the cover of its magazine this year and not Crosby. Sports Illustrated has put Chad Johnson -- CHAD JOHNSON! -- on its cover, but can't seem to find time to chronicle the best story in sports from the past 12 months. You have to wonder if people who cover sports really like sports anymore.”

The best story in sports from the past 12 months? A franchise that was dead last in the NHL in attendance just a few seasons ago, one which – in a sports-mad town such as Pittsburgh – couldn’t prevail upon politicos to come to agreement over a financing deal for a new arena for more than a year, and one that is fueled by draft picks realized from some of the worst hockey played in North America in a decade and a goofy lottery system that made it the NHL equivalent of a Powerball winner . . . this is “the best story in sports from the past 12 months?” Hey, maybe Ron Howard can direct, "Cinderella Team."

“Crosby will also likely win league MVP. The Penguins went from the worst team in the East to a 100-point team. Crosby is not the only reason for the team's success, but everything in Pittsburgh starts in his fire-filled belly of competitiveness.”

“Fire-filled belly of competitiveness?” . . . yeesh. The Peerless hasn’t seen such tortured alliteration since he took creative writing in seventh grade.

“Penguins coach Michel Therrien is also the runaway coach of the year. From last to almost first?! Coaching teenagers?! You really can't overestimate or overemphasize what is happening in Pittsburgh this season.”

Really?....runaway coach of the year? Sorry, but when the season started the Penguins weren’t thought to be contenders, but they weren’t thought to be the standing joke among NHL franchises that the Islanders were, either. The Peerless isn’t a fan of that club, and injuries at the worst possible time have eliminated all but the dimmest chance that they make the playoffs, but one might argue that Ted Nolan has done more with less under more difficult circumstances than has a coach sitting on five top-five draft picks, a top-ten career goal scorer among active players, and one of the top scoring defensemen of the last decade, or at least enough to keep Therrien from being Secretariat to the rest of the field's Twice a Prince.