Friday, December 07, 2007

The Peerless Prognosticator is ON THE AIR!!! -- Caps vs. Devils, December 7th

The Peerless Prognosticator is ON THE AIR!!!

Well, after five days off, the Caps return to the ice to check out the new digs in Newark, visiting the New Jersey Devils at Prudential Center. Meanwhile, as the Caps were contemplating their injury situation -- Chris Clark, Boyd Gordon, and Michael Nylander all on the shelf -- The Peerless heard this conversation at Kettler...



Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New Jersey with you. You know Bruce Boudreau, the Caps’ head coach, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.

Costello: Look Abbott, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.

Abbott: I certainly do.

Costello: Well you know I've never met the new guys that came up with Clark, Gordon, and Nylander out. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team.

Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these hockey players now-a-days very peculiar names.

Costello: You mean funny names?

Abbott: Strange names, foreign-sounding names...like Milan Jurcina...

Costello: My cina?.

Abbott: Jur-cina...

Costello: Why is he “my cina?”

Abbott: He’s not, he’s Jur-cina…”

Costello: hmmph!

Abbott: Well, let's see, we have the forwards, Who's at left wing, What's at right wing, I Don't Know is the center...

Costello: That's what I want to find out.

Abbott: I say Who's at left wing, What's at right wing, I Don't Know's the center.

Costello: Are you the coach?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: And you don't know the fellows' names?

Abbott: Well I should.

Costello: Well then who's at left wing?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: I mean the fellow's name.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy at left wing.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The left wing.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy playing...

Abbott: Who is at left wing!

Costello: I'm asking YOU who's at left wing.

Abbott: That's the man's name.

Costello: That's who's name?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: That's who?

Abbott: Yes….

Costello: Look, you gotta left wing?

Abbott: Certainly.

Costello: Who's playing left wing?

Abbott: That's right.

Costello: When you pay off the left wing every month, who gets the money?

Abbott: Every dollar of it.

Costello: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name at left wing.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy that gets...

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: Who gets the money...

Abbott: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

Costello: Whose wife?

Abbott: Yes…

Abbott: What's wrong with that?

Costello: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the left wing, how does he sign his name?

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: How does he sign...

Abbott: That's how he signs it.

Costello: Who?

Abbott: Yes…

Costello: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name at left wing.

Abbott: No. What is at right wing.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's at right wing.

Abbott: Who's at left wing.

Costello: One wing at a time!

Abbott: Well, don't change the players around.

Costello: I'm not changing nobody!

Abbott: Take it easy, buddy.

Costello: I'm only asking you, who's the guy at left wing?

Abbott: That's right.

Costello: Ok.

Abbott: All right…

Costello: What's the guy's name at left wing?

Abbott: No. What is at right wing.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's at right wing.

Abbott: Who's at left wing.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott: He's the center, we're not talking about him.

Costello: Now how did I get the center?

Abbott: Why you mentioned his name.

Costello: If I mentioned the center’s name, who did I say is playing center?

Abbott: No. Who's playing left wing.

Costello: What's at left wing?

Abbott: What's at right wing.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott: He's the center.

Costello: There I go, back to the center again!...

Costello: Would you just stay at the center and don't go off it.

Abbott: All right, what do you want to know?

Costello: Now who's playing center?

Abbott: Why do you insist on putting Who at center?

Costello: What am I putting at the center.

Abbott: No. What is at right wing.

Costello: You don't want who at right wing?

Abbott: Who is at left wing.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together: CENTER!...

Costello: Look, you got defensemen?

Abbott: Sure.

Costello: The left defenseman's name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: I just thought I'd ask you.

Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.

Costello: Then tell me who's playing left defense.

Abbott: Who's playing left wing.

Costello: I'm not... stay out of the forwards! I want to know what's the guy's name at left defense?

Abbott: No, What is at right wing.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's at right wing.

Abbott: Who's at left wing!

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together: CENTER!...

Costello: The left defenseman's name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: Because!

Abbott: Oh, he's right defense….

Costello: Look, You gotta goalie on this team?

Abbott: Sure.

Costello: The goalie's name?

Abbott: Tomorrow.

Costello: You don't want to tell me today?

Abbott: I'm telling you now.

Costello: Then go ahead.

Abbott: Tomorrow!

Costello: What time?

Abbott: What time what?

Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's the goalie?

Abbott: Now listen. Who is not the goalie.

Costello: I'll break your arm, you say who's at left wing! I want to know what's the goalie's name?

Abbott: What's at right wing.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together: CENTER!...

Costello: Gotta a backup goalie?

Abbott: Certainly.

Costello: The backup goalie's name?

Abbott: Today.

Costello: Today, and tomorrow's in goal.

Abbott: Now you've got it.

Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team…

Costello: You know I'm a goalie too.

Abbott: So they tell me.

Costello: I get in front of the net to do some fancy puck stopping, and a fancy shooter takes a shot…When he shoots, me, being a good goalie, I'm gonna make the save and leave it for a teammate. So I drop the puck and pass it to who?

Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.

Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about!...

Abbott: That's all you have to do.

Costello: Is to pass the puck to the left wing.

Abbott: Yes!

Costello: Now who's got it?

Abbott: Naturally….

Costello: Look, if I pass the puck to the left wing, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Who?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Naturally?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: So I drop the puck and pass it to Naturally.

Abbott: No you don't, you pass the puck to Who.

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's different.

Costello: That's what I said.

Abbott: You're not saying it...

Costello: I pass the puck to Naturally.

Abbott: You pass it to Who.

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: That's what I said!

Abbott: You ask me.

Costello: I pass the puck to who?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Now you ask me.

Abbott: You pass the puck to Who?

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: Same as you! Same as YOU! I pass the puck to who. Whoever it is misses the puck and the guy skates after it. Who gets the puck and passes it to What. What passes it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know passes it back to Tomorrow, Goal!. After the faceoff another guy passes the puck to Because. Why? I don't know! He's the center and I don't give a darn!

Abbott: What?

Costello: I said I don't give a darn!

Abbott: Oh, that's our zamboni driver.


The Devils have won eight in a row. The Caps have nine wins for the season. That is what we prognosticators call “bad math.” Does someone want to throw a bucket of water on Zach Parise?...During this eight-game winning streak, he’s 9-8-17, +6, with two game winning goals. And Brian Gionta isn’t far behind – 5-6-11, +5. Even Dainius Zubrus has gotten into the act – 2-3-5, +3, and a game-winner.

But the Devils might be ripe to be plucked. In the first six games of the streak, they outscored their opponents 22-7 and won three of the games by at least three goals. In the last two games, they’ve outscored their opponents 6-5, both games going to extra time (one overtime, one shootout).

Which brings us to…Martin Brodeur. He’s been in goal for each of the wins in this streak (8-0-0, 1.48, .943). But there are those five goals in the last two compared to seven in the previous six (including two shutouts). Marty’s played in ten consecutive games…but Kevin Weekes hasn’t exactly enjoyed success in his career against the Caps (2-13-1, 3.25, .893). Marty, on the other hand…30-11-4, 2.10, .912.

The Caps have had almost a week to install some new Boudreauian wrinkles, and New Jersey looks like they’re coming to the end of a run. That’s enough for The Peerless…

Caps 3 – Devils 1

5 comments:

Speedkillz said...

Too many injuries on a generally lackluster team. A Cap-less team is a hapless team. What better way for the Devils to get back on a dominating track than to play a team without any skill? Can anyone besides Ovechkin play this game?

Devils 5 Caps 2

Jon said...

"Caps 3 – Devils 1"?

Peerless Prognosticator or Fearless Prognosticator?

Well, heck, here's hoping! Without much hope.

Garrett said...

Thanks Peerless for the ten minutes of my life I can't get back reading that Abbot/Costello goof!

Christopher said...

Ah, Peerless, your unique brand of optimistic humor always brings a smile to my face. :-)

Anonymous said...

very cute. But, what color is the sky in your world? We have key people out and the Devils are lights out. To be fair, the Caps have one games like that before (Ottawa), but this may be a bridge too far.

Caps 1, Devils 2