Wednesday, March 19, 2008

The Peerless Prognosticator is ON THE AIR -- Caps vs. Blackhawks, March 19th

The Peerless Prognosticator is ON THE AIR!!!

It’s off on the next leg of the whirlwind tour of the great American Midwest, as the Caps head to Chicago to take on the Blackhawks. Chicago, that toddlin’ town…the Windy City…hog butcher to the world…

“That’s right…and don’t ferget Dikka!”

Well, this is hardly a surprise…the Super Fans ready for a night of hockey. It’s the Swerski Brothers – Bob and Bill – Todd O’Connor, and Carl Wollarski. Uh, Bob…I don’t see Bill. Has he had…

“Yeah…anudder heart attack.”

Probably from watching the Blackhawks lately.

“Da Hawks haven’t had too good a go of it da last few games…”

1-4-1 in their last half-dozen. I guess their playoff chances are about done, eh Carl?

“Sinkin’ like da last slice o’ deep-dish in da pit o’ my stomach, Peerless.”

There is cause for optimism, though…you have those precocious twins…

“Hey, I dunno about any ‘precoshuss,’ Peerless, but dat Patrick Kane and dat Jonathan Too-ees…"

I think it’s “Taves,” Todd…

"Whaddever…dose guys are havin’ a great year…I’d go so far as to call it, well, almost 'Dikka-esque.'”

“Yeah, but it takes two guys ta be almost Dikka-esque, Todd.”

“Amen, Carl…”

But about the kids…first and fourth in scoring among rookies.

“Yeah, but Taves has had a tough time lately…2-3-5, -1 in his last 11.”

“Yeah, Todd, but Kane is 3-7-10, even, in his last nine…so maybe dat’s ‘half-a-Dikka.’”

“Excellent point, Bob. And he’s five outta seven in shootouts.”

The club is sputtering, though. They’ve given up 22 goals in this 1-4-1 stretch, and haven’t given up fewer than three in any game.

“yeah, well…it’s not like we’ve got Patrick Roy in goal…”

“But we do have Patrick Lalime, Carl…”

“Yeah, and he’s playing like a limp sassage out dere, too, Bob…1-2-1, 4.33, .843. I bet Todd could have dose numbers layin’ on his back in da crease.”

“Hey…ever since my eighth heart attack, I’ve been eating turkey sassage…”

What about Corey Crawford?

“Nice kid...bad luck. He’s been in two games, only gave up five goals on 78 shots – a .936 save percentage…”

“you do that in yer head, Carl?”

“…I’ll shove dis sassage in yer head, Todd…as I was sayin’, a .936 save percentage, but he lost both games.”

What about your special teams?

“It’s been good and bad, Peerless…five outta 27 on the man advantage – 18.5 percent – but only 15 outta 20 on the penalty kill – 75 percent.”

You’ve got a former Cap on the roster – Robert Lang. How’s he been doing?

“2-3-5, +3 in his last eight games, but he had three of those points against Edmonton…”

“We lost dat game, too, Carl…”

“in overtime, in overtime…”

What about Cam Barker?…he seems to be the forgotten guy in that 2004 draft that had Alex Ovechkin and Evgeni Malkin going right ahead of him.

“Nice kid…he’s gonna be a good one. But he’s probably a year or two away.”

Anyone else we should watch out for?...

“Patrick Sharp – ya know, we got three Patrick’s on dis team. Anyway, he’s sneaky – seven shorties and seven game winners, one in overtime."

I am intrigued by one guy for the Hawks – Dustin Byfuglien – the kid's a big hitter, eh?

“Big?...Da kid hits like a shot o’ bad whiskey. 120 hits in 60 games, second on da team…”

“And don’t ferget, Todd, he has a decent scoring touch, too?”

“Right you are, Bob…17-16-33 so far. Leads all the defensemen in scoring. Tied with your Mike Green for the NHL goal scoring lead.”

I was wondering…just how do you pronounce his name?

“It’s pronounced, ‘Dustin,’ Peerless.”

So, guys…who do you like in this one?...Bob?

“Da Hawks.”


“Da Hawks.”


“Da Hawks.”

Well, guys, you’ve got too many pork products on the brain. The Caps matched their season-high winning streak with their fourth in a row last night. Tonight could be their first five-game streak since mastodons walked the earth. There will be no mastodons…

“…they make great sassages…”

…but there will be a Caps win.

Caps 5 – Blackhawks 3

1 comment:

breed16 said...

When you asked who would win, surprised Carl didn't respond with "Da Bears"?