Sunday, January 04, 2009

Let's hear from the experts...


This is HOW-ahd COH-sell, and with me today is the imcomparable, the indomitable, the insanely talented Mu-HAH-mad Ali. Champ, yesterday we saw two examples of what passes for the fine art of pugilism in the National Hockey League…in one bout, Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins and Brett McLean of the Florida Panthers squared off at Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh, and in the other Alexander Semin of the Washington Capitals and Marc Staal – he of the legendary Staal hockey playing family – went at it in Washington. Champ, what did you think of the Crosby fight?

“Howahd…Crosby might pass and Crosby might score, but throwin’ fists, he’s just a big bore.”

You weren’t impressed.

“Coh-sell…now you know that I like to dance and I like to sting, but I had no idea what you’d call that Crosby thing.”

Well Champ, I’d have to agree. It was the sorriest, the saddest, the most pitiful excuse for a fight since the time you dropped Jimmy Robinson in Miami Beach in 94 seconds in Miami Beach way back in 1961.

“It was pitiful, How-ahd. I haven’t seen that much twirlin’ around since I wore tassels on my boxing shoes.”

What about the Semin-Staal bout, Champ. Was there ANY-thing to commend it to our viewers?

“I was thinkin’ about that time I fought Ernie Terrell and he wouldn’t say my name…well I just beat him until I shouted at him, ‘What's my name?! What's my name?!’...I think he was shoutin’ at Staal, ‘What’s my name?! What’s my name?!’"

What did you make of Sidney Crosby’s style, Champ?

“Sidney Crosby is nothing. The man can't talk. The man can't fight. The man needs talking lessons. The man needs boxing lessons. And since he's gonna fight, he needs falling lessons"

And Alexander Semin?

“He’s the prettiest thing that ever lived!”

Really, Champ?

"He’s the astronaut of boxing. Joe Louis and Dempsey were just jet pilots. He’s in a world of his own… He has a great one-two punch. The one hits a lot, but the two hits a bunch."

If these two young pugilists were to square off, which one would you put your money on, Champ?

"Semin'll beat him so bad, he'll need a shoehorn to put his hat on."

I take it you were unimpressed by Crosby’s bout with McLean, Muhammad…

"You have to give him credit. He put up a fight for one and a half seconds."

You don’t give Crosby a chance?

"I've seen Sidney Crosby shadow boxing and the shadow won."

Muhammad, what would you say to Semin, if some other player was to think he could take liberties with him?

"I hear your talkin around that you can whup me. Well, here I is…. I'm going to do to Buster what the Indians did to Custer."

OK, Champ…what’s your final word on Alexander Semin?

“He’s the king of the world, he’s the greatest, he’s Alexander Semin. He shook up the world, he’s the greatest, he’s king of the world, he’s pretty, he’s pretty, he’s a bad man, you heard me..he’s a bad man.”

4 comments:

Michael Eason said...

That was one of your more amusing posts...

Flying Cloud said...

I'm laughing but I agree with Ali. Semin fights the way all people do who don't know how to form a proper fist (or haven't practiced sufficiently). Others may laugh, and yet he won that round with style points for being natural (and for nearly going 'au natural!').

I no longer think of our stars in comparison to the Penguins, who are irrelevant no matter what their captain says or does, good or bad. Our stars are great in their own right and vastly entertaining. We are so lucky.

Dan, Jr. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dan, Jr. said...

That's great stuff. Thanks for making me laugh.