Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Peerless Prognosticator is ON THE AIR!!! -- Eastern Conference Quarterfinals, Game 4: Caps vs. Rangers

The Peerless Prognosticator is ON THE AIR!!!

It’s game 4 of the Eastern QF, and the Caps are trying to tie a series that was almost given up for dead last Saturday night.

"Did you know that the Caps have won five straight games 4 after winning games 3, dating back to the 1990 playoffs and 6-2, all time?"

Why it's sports gaming whiz Dwayne Allan Boot. Long time, no see. Any other tidbits you’d like to share?

"You mean that I’m 267-0 in predicting Stanley Cup playoff games played under a crescent moon under partly cloudy skies?"

I didn’t know that…

“And that’s documented!”

Documented?

"You bet…and if you call my service right now, I will give you – FREE!! – my super guaranteed documented pick of the year in the Game 5 of the Peoria-Houston series in the Calder Cup playoffs tonight."

Don’t know that we have a lot of demand for a pick on that game, big guy…

“Why do you think I offer it for FREE?!?!”

But what about the Caps?

"Did you know that Sergei Fedorov is fourth among active players in playoff plus-minus, and if you act now, you can get my members-only documented guaranteed pick in the Bakersfield-Las Vegas tilt in Game 6 of the ECHL Kelly Cup first round..PLUS…"

Plus??

“Well…plus something.”

Let us know when you get that figured out.

"You bet, Peerless, but in the meantime, did you know that Alex Ovechkin is the all time NHL playoff career leader in shots on goal among players whose last name begins with ‘O’ and ends in ‘vechkin?’”

I’ll bet that’s a short list.

“Not as short as the completely satisfied members who signed up for my service and called in to get the FREE!... GUARANTEED!!... DOCUMENTED!!!... F√§rjestad win over HV 71 last Sunday in the Elitserien playoffs."

Elitserien?

“That’s right, Peerless, the Elitserien…I think that’s in Manitoba or somewhere in Greenland.”

What about the goalies?...Simeon Varlamov has looked really good in two games.

“Ah, but did you know, Peerless, that in the ten playoff seasons preceding this one, 27 rookie goalies have taken the ice, and of that number, only three have won at least ten games. And if you were a member of my Platinum Members Club, you’d know who those goalies were…”

I could go to NHL.com and find out that they were Cam Ward, Ryan Miller, and Brian Boucher.

“Sure, but are those goalies DOCUMENTED?”

We’re going to go out on a limb and say “yes” on that one. So what are the keys to this one?

"The second period."

The second period?

"Yup…17 teams have taken a lead into the second intermission so far in the first round, and 17 teams with that lead have won those games."

Hard to beat those odds.

"Speaking of odds, it won’t be a gamble if you call me right now and subscribe to my Super Duper Diamond Member service, and I’ll give you…FREE!...my guaranteed, lead-pipe cinch pick in the Boston University versus Miami of Ohio national championship final…"

Psst…Boston won.

"That’s why it’s guaranteed, Peerless."

How about Alex Ovechkin and Mike Green. That’s 87 regular season goals between them and oh-for-33 in shots so far in three games in this series. What’s your prescription for getting those two off the schneid?

"Keep shooting!...Like Wayne Gretzky said, you miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take, just like you’ll miss out on 100 percent of my documented picks if you don’t call. So Alex…keep shooting. And all you readers out there, keep dialing."

What about Henrik Lundqvist? He’s been spectacular at times. Can he shut the door on the Caps tonight?

“Well, Lundquvist is 4-0, 1.50, .948, with one shutout in games 4 of the playoffs in his career.”

Sounds ominous for the Caps.

“Not as ominous as you’re sitting by the phone wondering if you should call me, when I have a 193-0 record on picking Stanley Cup first round winners on Wednesday nights in April.”

Documented?

“Lock, stock, and documented!”

If Ovechkin and Green need to get going, goal-scoring wise, where is the help going to come from?

“Look to Sergei Fedorov. He is the active career playoff leader in assists, with 118.”

I guess it’s going to come down to whether Simeon Varlamov has another big effort in him, and Ovechkin and Green can solve Lundqvist.”

“Right you are, Peerless, just as I’ve been right 316 times in a row when picking Stanley Cup playoff winners on Earth Day.”

I didn’t know there were that many Earth Day playoff games.

“That’s why I’m the king of sports prognosticating, Peerless.”

So, do you have a winner for tonight?

“Well, after you factor in the rookie goaltender versus the cagey battle-tested veteran, the Caps gunners versus the Ranger defense, the visitors’ power play versus the home team’s penalty kill, the game will end up going to the team that manages to score more goals than the other one.”

Yup, you’re the king alright…

Caps 3 – Rangers 2

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

thanks peerless, you have brought a much needed smile to my face.