Sunday, October 11, 2009

Of Sticks and Gloves

First, it was thought to be the sticks. Now, the gloves. The causes for Mike Green’s woes late last season and early this are a mystery. Well, we here at Peerless Central can’t stand to see a talented player such as Green melt into a puddle of quivering goo over some bad-luck implements of his trade. So, we enlisted the help of an expert in the field of the occult – Eddie Charms. Let me guess, your nickname is “Lucky.”

“No, ‘Fast Eddie’… I play a lot of pool."

OK, so… Mike Green. He’s having a devil of a time getting started. No goals, a few tough-to-take penalties. He thought it was his stick, then his gloves. What can the kid do to help get himself out of this mess?

“Well, there are any number of things anyone who is having back luck can do to turn the tide.”

Can you give us some examples?

“Well, there is what baseball players do… they spit on their new bat before using it for the first time to make it lucky.”

Given his picky attitude toward sticks, maybe he’s not going to spit all over them.

“Could it hurt? Shoot, have Ovechkin spit on them.”

He’d probably hurl a snot rocket at them.

“Good point. Well, he could hang a bell in his locker. Demons are afraid of bells, because the make loud noises.”

If that’s the case, he ought to be getting hat tricks at Verizon Center, it’s so loud.

“I noticed he’s sending a lot of pucks to the net from outside the faceoff circles, from along the boards, from up top…”

What’s your point?

“Circles… evil spirits can’t harm you when you stand inside a circle.”

Oh, I thought that was going to be some Nylander joke.

“Well, here’s one… if he’s driving to the arena, and he’s singing in his car, tell him to stop.”

And why is that?

“Sing before seven, cry before eleven. Oh, and does Mike cook?”

I don’t know, why?

“Tell him to get some onions and make a wish while he’s burns them on the stove.”

OK, this ought to be good.

“A wish will come true if he makes it while burning onions.”

Maybe he can use his old sticks as kindling for the fire.

“I see where the Caps aren’t practicing this morning.”

That’s right. What’s the significance of that?

“Well, Mike could go to over to Kettler and take a couple of minutes on the ice.”


“You can break a bad luck spell by turning seven times in a clockwise circle.”

Should Nylander show him how?

“Then there are the old standards…”


“Oh, like wearing his clothes inside out to bring good luck… wearing his birthstone to bring him good luck.”

Really? But isn’t it unlucky to wear opals?

“True… unless you were born in October.”

Mike was born in October… opal. Might be worth a shot. Hah!... get it? Worth a shot.

Well, Eddie, thanks for the tips. Maybe there is something here that Green could use to get himself out of his funk. Although, we’re guessing it’ll be some weird shot that he floats at the net that hits a couple of bodies and sticks before sneaking past the goaltender that will cure his ills.

But spit on the sticks, just in case.

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