Thursday, October 29, 2009

So, a pig and a hockey player walk into a bar...

Quintin Laing is being treated for the H1N1 "swine flu" bug. While it is no laughing matter, we decided it was, well, a laughing matter (laughter being the best medicine and all that crap)...

Alex Ovechkin walks into a clinic. He says, I'm here for my shot. The nurse says, "Mr. Ovechkin, you've already taken six shots. We can't give you another."


Bruce Boudreau walks into a clinic. He sees Sean Avery there sitting in the waiting lounge. Avery looks up and says, "I thought you were dead." Boudreau says, "I must be in the wrong place, this must be the second hand clothing store for fashion wannabes."


Alexander Semin walks into a clinic. He says, "I'm here for my flu shot." The nurse swabs his arm, administers the shot, and applies a band-aid. Semin is day-to-day.


Brooks Laich walks into a clinic. The nurse asks him if he needs a flu shot. Laich smiles, arches an eyebrow, turns and leaves. The nurse says to herself, "yeah, that was a stupid question."


Nicklas Backstrom walks into a clinic. The nurse looks up and asks if she can help him. He says, "no, I'm here to assist you."


Mike Green is sitting on the examining table at the clinic waiting to get his flu shot. The nurse comes in with tray with a syringe and the vaccine on it. She sets it down, then pulls on a pair of latex gloves. Green says, "so... where can someone get a pair of gloves like that?"


Jeff Schultz walks into a clinic and asks politely if they are administering flu shots today. The nurse sighs, takes his name and grunts, "wait over there." Schultz sits down and waits. Finally, the nurse calls him over, tells him to sit down, and roll up his sleeve. Schultz does so, and the nurse proceeds to administer the shot in most painful fashion. Schultz frowns and says, "you don't have to do it like that, do you?" The nurse replies, "No, and you don't have to suck, either."


George McPhee walks into a clinic. The nurse asks if he is there for a flu shot. He says that the team doesn't disclose that information.


Ted Leonsis walks into a clinic, walks up to the nurse's station and happily announces, "Hi. I'm here for my flu shot." The nurse tells Ted to sit down. Ted says, "oh, wait. I have to get a camera so I can put this up on SnagFilms."


The Peerless walks into a clinic. The nurse asks if he wanted a shot. The Peerless says, "I believe it was the philosopher Plato who said, 'a state arises, as I conceive, out of the needs of mankind; no one is self-sufficing, but all of us have many wants.'" Then he proceeds to recite the history of the modern process for producing flu vaccine.

The vaccine expires in the meantime.


Chris said...

The Schultz hating is getting out of hand. The guy has played very well so far this season. We have a lot bigger problems on defense than Schultzy.

The Peerless said...

If you've been reading this space much, you'd know that we've been one of Schultz' biggest backers. We don't see where the hate comes from, which is why the whole "you suck" theme seems humorous to us.

Vlad said...

Hey, that's pretty funny! Thx

Flying Cloud said...

These are hilarious - wish I'd had them when I was at death's door a week ago. The Semin joke is the best of the lot.

toymechanic said...

should have included the one Japer twittered.

Q Lang went to get vaccinated, but blocked the shot.

The Peerless said...

..damn Twitter. >:(

Anonymous said...

Bruce Boudreau walks into a clinic. He sees Sean Avery there sitting in the waiting lounge.

Bruce says, "Hey, nurse, this guy got swine genes at birth, he is immune to H1N1"

Anonymous said...

I actually laughed in my cube here... great stuff!

Mike L-Caps

Justin said...

Michael Nylander walks into a clinic. He says, "I'm here for my flu shot." The nurse pauses and deliberates until the shot opportunity is lost.

DZ-015 said...

Semyon Verlamov walks into a clinic, and the nurse asks him to roll up his sleeve.

Varlamov glares at her for a moment, and says "You can try there, but the shot's more likely to go in 5-hole".

The Peerless said...


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rie comes into a clinic. He says, "I am here for my flu shot." The nurse pauses and deliberate shot to the opportunity is lost.