Thursday, February 04, 2010


This just in... it's going to snow tomorrow.

You might have heard. In fact, there are reports that starting sometime around midday tomorrow, Washington could be in for a storm of such proportions as to have never been seen since... well, December (if that was "Snowpocalypse," is this going to be "Snowmageddon?").

Still, that storm locked down the three major area airports for a time until they could find the keys to the snow plows and get their runways cleared.

And therein lies a concern for Caps fans this weekend. Friday the team will host the Atlanta Thrashers, and we imagine that game will go off without a hitch. It might be sparsely attended, as Caps fans stay home, shovels in one hand, Topper Shutt on Twitter on their iPhones in the other. But the game should be played (the Thrashers might be stuck here until May, but that's another issue).

There are folks, though, who seem to think that the game scheduled for noon on Sunday could be a problem. The Caps are scheduled to host the Pittsburgh Penguins in a game to be broadcast nationally by the Nothing but Red Wings, Rangers, Flyers, and Penguins Broadcasting Company. If the snow lasts, as some forecasts indicate, well into Saturday night (or even Sunday morning), it could put the game in jeopardy.

Or so the argument goes.

To that, we say, "have you forgotten who leads the plucky band of Penguins?" We can see a couple of scenarios playing out...

Imagine the Penguin flight departing Montreal after their game on Saturday. Radar indicate that the entire eastern seaboard is bathed in white, the snow piling up at an inch or more an hour. Surely, the plane cannot reach Washington...

Ah, but He rises from his seat, strides purposefully to the front of the cabin and exclaims...

"Behold His mighty hand!"

"It's a miracle! It's a miracle!"

"The wind opens the snow! Crosby opens the clouds with the blast of his lips."

"He leads them through the midst of the blizzard. His will be done."

"He opens the snow drifts before them…"

Shouts of "Amen!" ensue...

Or, we can imagine the Penguins are at the departure lounge at Trudeau Airport... a scratchy holographic message is discovered in an equipment bag...

"Captain Ka-rosbi…years ago, you served my people in the Stanley Cup playoffs; now we beg you to help us in our struggle to get through the snow to Washington. I regret that I am unable to present my request to you in person; but my airplane is stuck at the gate and I'm afraid my mission to bring you to Washington has failed. I've placed information vital to the survival of NBC's Sunday programming schedule into this equipment bag... under Guerin's sock, I think. You must see our team safely delivered to Washington. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Sidni-wan Ka-rosbi; you're our only hope."

Or perhaps the Penguins are sitting in the locker room after the game against the Canadiens. The reports out of Washington are grim -- two feet of snow, and still falling. The guys are muttering about the end of hockey for the weekend... Then, The Kid stands up...

"None of you have to go. We can all just sit here in this locker room, wait for this big snow storm to pass through, kill everything and everybody we know, or at least cancel the hockey game. The National Broadcasting Company and the NHL just asked us to save the world... uh, I mean the Sunday game. Anybody wanna say no?"

Gonch: "Five years. Haven't turned you down once. Not about to start now. I'm there. "

Billy Guerin: "Guess I can't let you go up there alone."

Orpik: "I'm with you. "

Fleury: "Man, this is - this is historic. Guys, this is, like, deep blue hero stuff! Of course I'm in."

Letang: "While I don't share his enthusiasm, you know me. Beam me up, Scotty!"

The Kid: "You all right, Max?"

Max: "I-I don't, I-I don't... Whatever you think."

The Kid: [to Geno] "How about you?"

Geno: "I'm in."

The Kid: "All right then. We go."

Letang: "I don't mean to be the materialistic weasel of this group, but do you think we'll get hazard pay or maybe an extra standing point out of this?"

...and thus, Snowmageddon is averted.


SuzukiSandy said...

Ah, if we could only leave Crosby upon a nuclear bomb-filled asteroid. Oh happy day....

Flying Cloud said...

Reminds me of your Birthday Wishes for Crosby essay, also expertly and unforgettably illustrated. Searching the archives is a daunting task - I'd have provided the publication date but can't recall if that appeared in 2008 or 2009. I just remember it, too, was wickedly satirical.

daved said...


Justin said...

Big props!

The Peerless said...

this one?