Thursday, January 20, 2011

It could happen

Over at Japers' Rink, they do a daily feature called "The Noon Number."  And today's number is "34," which is the total number of times the Caps and Islanders, who face each other tonight, have scored the first goal in a game this season.  They rank 29th (Caps with 18) and 30th (Isles with 16) in the league in getting on the board first.  Given their respective lack of competency in getting that first goal, we posted the following over at the Rink as a potential scenario, and offer it up for your consideration...

First period…. Isles outshoot Caps 18-4, hit six posts and crossbar…neither team scores

Second period…Caps outshoot Isles 14-2, Ovechkin hits two posts and the crossbar — on the same shot!

Third period…Isles have goal disallowed for closing hand on puck and throwing it in net. Caps have goal disallowed for…well, “something,” according to referee Ghislain Hebert.

Overtime…neither team gets a shot on goal…neither team takes a shot on goal. They heard it wasn’t permitted.

Shootout…

Ovechkin…clang

Tavares…whiff

Backstrom…thud

Okposo…skates to wrong net, it’s been awhile since he did this

…we move to further action…

round eight…Steckel…snap (splinters stick)

Konopka…punches Holtby, shoots puck in…disallowed

Hendricks…glides in, ready to shoot, and helmet falls in his eyes…whiffs

Martin…falls down at center ice out of nervousness, curls up in ball… “NO! I DON’T WANNA!!”

…we move to further action…

Round 14… Alzner…won’t go out if he’s not wearing his lucky muttonchop facial hair style

Jon Sim…uh, JON SIM!…(yell louder, he’s trying to hook up with a team in Europe)

…we move to further action…

Round 19… Ovechkin…clang!

Tavares…whiff

Backstrom…thud

Okposo…skates to Zamboni entrance, shoots…will say later it looked wider

Call is placed to Toronto….“can goalies participate in the shootout?” “Hey, why the $#@% not…can’t be worse than what we’re looking at up here.”

Holtby…spends two minutes going through rituals, referee says, “OK, pal, you’re through”

DiPietro…skates in, collapses…injures knee, hip, wrist, and fractures something called a “hyoid bone”

…we move to further action…

It’s 3:30 am…all the fans are gone. The Zamboni driver is gone. The arena manager is telling the referee he wants to turn out the lights. When, from somewhere on the main concourse, a player rushes down the steps, hops over the boards with no prodding, takes the puck, skates in, and SCORRRRRREEEESSSS!!! Who could it be?…



The Islanders complain that he is still listed on injured reserve. A call is put in to Toronto for a ruling. They left hours ago…goal stands, everyone goes home.

6 comments:

Peter from RMNB said...

HELL YES

Sam said...

Effin brilliant, FJC. Effin brilliant.

EnzoBigBlue said...

You forgot a DJK attempt where he gets on the ice, puches a ref and then panics that he has been on the ice too long and leaves before taking a shot - Thanks for a much needed hypothetical given the State of the Nation's Hockey Capital.

Lars said...

Down Goes Brown has just met his match. Very nice, Peerless!

Drew said...

If it's 3:30 AM when the goal is scored, you can bet LaFontaine will be there to tip it in and get all the credit.

zuco said...

But of course! Bradley is our shootout specialist.