Monday, August 08, 2011


Last night we partook of our weekly ritual of a bacon, sauerkraut, and anchovy pizza, and it had the predictable results – noxious emanations and a lively dream sequence. Couple those with having had to listen this past week on sports radio to the tedious minutiae of what passes for Redskins training camp, where the media hang on every throw and catch and furrow of Shanahan brow, and we had an interesting dream about what Caps training camp might be like if sports radio in these parts hung on every twitch and shrug…

Aggravating Show Host: “We’re joined now by our Caps beat reporter Ray Bock, who has been over at Kettler catching up on the Caps this week at training camp. So, what’s going on with the Caps?

Ray Bock: “Well, the Caps had a lively session this morning, and if they aren’t yet in mid-season form, they looked pretty sharp.”

Know-It-All Co-Host: “So as anyone knows, nothing the Caps do in the regular season means anything compared to the playoffs, and nothing they do this week means anything compared to the regular season, so let’s get back to which number John Beck is wearing this week for the Redskins.”

ASH: “That’s in our next segment, but Ray, how did Alex Ovechkin look?”

RB: “Ovechkin really looked on top of his game. He made a nice left turn in the corner in one drill, and he certainly had the water bottle squirt down late in the session”

KIACH: “It’s hard to believe that this is more interesting than ‘Graham or Gano, which kicker’s got to go?’”

ASH: “Uh…yeah. But Ray, what about Nicky Backstrom? Is he sharp?”

RB: “As sharp as you could expect. He did manage to complete a saucer pass to Alex Semin in the skate around before practice that looked close to mid-season form.”

KIACH: “Shouldn’t we be talking about whether Tiger Woods will ever win another golf tournament.”

ASH: “Save it for the weekend golf show…Ray, did Bruce Boudreau seem pleased with today’s practice.”

RB: “His whistle didn’t seem to be quite up to his tweeting standard, but he showed real nimbleness when he was scribbling on the white board.”

ASH: “What about the new did Jeff Halpern look?”

KIACH: “Orakpo or DeAngelo, which one will put on a show…”

RB: “I have to say, Halpern looked like he was born to wear the ‘15’ made famous by Stan Gilbertson and Mike Sitala.”

KIACH: “You know, no Capital has worn Halpern’s old number ‘11’ since Halpern left the club.”

RB: “Uh, well, that’s because ‘11’ was retired in 2008.”

KIACH: “And no one was more deserving than Jeff Halpern…”

RB: “Uh…Mike Gartner?”

ASH: “What about the other new guys…Joey Ward and Ron Hamrlik”

RB: “JOEL Ward and ROMAN Hamrlik looked in tip-top shape. Neither fell down once in today’s skate, and Ward had a real nice dump in about half way through the practice.

ASH: “I guess the last question is Alex Semin…there is a lot of talk about whether he is going to be with the Caps or if he is going to be traded. How did he look today?”

RB: “He was at his curl and draggy best…”

KIACH: “Shanahan-a-lan-a-dingdong…”

ASH: “We’ll be right back after these messages…don’t go away.”

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