Monday, September 17, 2012

The League Speaks, But What Did It Really Mean?

On Sunday the National Hockey League published a statement on its Web site that was a message to its fans. We have no doubt it was massaged within an inch of its life by its public relations flacks and lawyers in an effort to strike a sympathetic tone with fans. Because as we all know, it is only the fans that matter in this lockout. Right?

Right??

Yeah, right. Well, in a public service to our fellow fans, your old pal, Uncle Peerless, is going to translate this “Message to Our Fans” for what it really says to us. Shall we?...

What the league said…

Despite the expiration of the Collective Bargaining Agreement, the National Hockey League has been, and remains, committed to negotiating around the clock to reach a new CBA that is fair to the Players and to the 30 NHL teams.

What the league meant…

The National Hockey League remains committed to imposing a solution on players that emasculates the players’ union (as if that can still be done after what we did in 2005) and guarantees profits to our 30 member teams regardless of how ineptly they are run or how much we have to prop up hockey in these cities that The Commish thought it would be a good idea to turn into hockey towns, even though the only ice you ever see in some of these places is in a Tom Collins.
*****

What the league said…

Thanks to the conditions fostered by seven seasons under the previous CBA, competitive balance has created arguably the most meaningful regular season in pro sports; a different team has won the Stanley Cup every year; fans and sponsors have agreed the game is at its best, and the League has generated remarkable growth and momentum.

What the league meant…

Thanks to us steamrolling the union seven years ago, we saved owners from themselves, from leaving them able to treat their clubs like a fantasy hockey team and spend themselves into irrelevance.
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What the league said…

While our last CBA negotiation resulted in a seismic change in the League's economic system, and produced corresponding on-ice benefits, our current negotiation is focused on a fairer and more sustainable division of revenues with the Players -- as well as other necessary adjustments consistent with the objectives of the economic system we developed jointly with the NHL Players' Association seven years ago.

What the league meant…

While our last CBA negotiation resulted in an agreement that exceeded our wildest dreams, giving us everything we wanted, well, we just want more.
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What the league said…

Those adjustments are attainable through sensible, focused negotiation -- not through rhetoric.

What the league meant…

And if that means blowing up another season, well…things happen.
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What the league said…

This is a time of year for all attention to be focused on the ice, not on a meeting room.

What the league meant…

This is a time of year for all attention to be focused on making sure we have fans’ correct credit card numbers and that we make sure their payments for season tickets are current.
*****

What the league said…

The League, the Clubs and the Players all have a stake in resolving our bargaining issues appropriately and getting the puck dropped as soon as possible.

What the league meant…

The league isn’t going to rest until the players squeal, and it that means blowing up a whole season, well…like we said, things happen.
*****

What the league said…

We owe it to each other, to the game and, most of all, to the fans.

What the league meant…

League to fans: “Fuck you!”


4 comments:

Angie said...

Have I told you lately that I love you? Bravo!!!

Stan said...

Excellant. The NHL will bargain 24 hours a day really meams we will wait until we see white flags flyin out of nhlpa windows.

FAUX RUMORS said...

1) I originally thought that the players would cave around ThanksGiving and games would begin around the holidays. BUT..
2) They seem more resolute than I expected and MORE importantly, many are going to be getting a regular income by going to Europe, back to the AHL, etc. Additionally that escrow cheque in October won't hurt either.
3) The NHL won't be as easily able to break the backs of this group. They are better managed with Fehr, and aren't going to cry Uncle in a couple of months. No hockey in 2012-2013 folks

Unknown said...

How about getting the KHL to step in with some televised KHL games with KHL teams featuring NHL players and some live games in North America? I'd pay to see Bettman and even Don Cherry react to the KHL invading Toronto, NY, Chicago, Boston and Detroit.