Friday, November 14, 2008

Melrose Fired, Peerless Translates Press Release

Barry Melrose was relieved of his duties as head coach of the Tampa Bay Lightning today. As is the custom with such things, the Lightning released a statement about the firing and the selection of a replacement, former associate coach Rick Tocchet. Consider this translation of the highlights a public service...

“This was a tough decision to make. Barry is a good man and we have a great deal of respect for him. We wish him nothing but success."

Translation: "We'd have done this a month ago, but it would have really made Oren, Len, and me look like a bunch of boobs."

"However, the results were unacceptable and the players have to understand that we need to be better. Hopefully this change helps push them."

Translation: "Hey, we can't fire the players. We're in hock up to our eyeballs to pay these losers. We'll just cross our fingers they can win a few games by accident."

“As for Rick Tocchet, we think this is a great opportunity for him and we believe he’s the type of coach who can take the team to the next level. Our players have a great deal of respect for him.”

Translation: "Scotty Bowman wasn't available."

photo: Dirk Shadd/St. Petersburg Times

1 comment:

Murshawursha said...

So how long until they bring in Patches O'Hoolian?