Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Hockey Held Hostage: What's a Player to Do? Have a Bake Sale!

So here we are, Day 4 of “Hockey Held Hostage,” and as the stars take their pucks and sticks and head to Europe for the duration, we are left to wonder, what might the rank and file NHLer do as the siege drags out over the next days, weeks…or months?

And it came to us… BAKE SALE!!!*

Yes, the time-honored fund-raising tool used by Little League teams, school clubs, and any number of groups looking to scratch together some scratch. And we wondered what specialties might be available from our Washington Capitals in their food booths at the HHH Bake Sale 2012. Wonder no more…

Beagle's Bagels… Jay Beagle serves up those yeasty, chewy delights in such varieties as Body Check Chocolate Chip, Slap Shot Sesame, Overtime Onion, Goal Line Garlic, and Hat Trick Honey Wheat.

Pastries by Perreault… The flashy forward serves up pastries with a French-Canadian twist. Neutral Zone Napoleons, Even Strength Eclairs, and Drop-Pass Dacquoises will satisfy your sweet tooth. Poke Check Poutine didn’t make the cut.

Carlzner’s Cookies… The dynamic defensive duo team up to bring you a dazzling variety of cookies. Snap Shot Snickerdoodles, Body Check Chocolate Chunk, Blue Line Biscotti, and of course “Oates”meal Cookies. Their Game Misconduct Gingerbread will have Brendan Shanahan suspending you for overindulgence. Now, if they can just keep @AlznersDogs from gobbling up all the goodies.

Holtby’s Heavenly Home Style Delights… Braden Holtby “saves” dessert with such fare as Blocker Brownies, Butterfly Bon Bons, and Trapezoid Tortes.

Bread by Brouwer… Troy Brouwer takes flour, yeast, salt and water and performs magic with such specialties as… Zamboni Zucchini Bread, Change on the Fly Challah, Backhand Banana. His “Missed Open Net Nut Muffins” are a seasonal item available in the spring. Let’s hope things don’t go that far.

Crabb Cakes… Joey Crabb might be new to the Capitals, but he is no stranger to a springform pan. Stop by and try such delicacies as… Chimera Chiffon Cake (a nod to Jason Chimera that you’ll finish faster than Chimera on a breakaway), Rock the Red Velvet Cake, Crash the Net Carrot Cake, and Power Play Pineapple Upside Down Cake.

Pies You Laich… Brooks Laich isn’t only adept at changing tires. He can fill your kitchen with the sweet aroma of a fresh-baked pie. Your mouth will be watering as soon as you step up when you recognize the classics… Breakaway Blueberry, Stay-at-Home Strawberry Rhubarb, Playmaker Peach, and Cherry-Picking Cherry.

Ribeirolls… You’ll “pivot” to Mike Ribeiro’s stand to sample some of the best rolls and specialty items you’ll find anywhere. Hearty treats such as… Sin Bin Cinnamon Rolls, Stickhandling Sticky Buns, Crash the Crease Croissants, and Chip and Chase Ciabatta Rolls.

Ro-Nuts… Roman Hamrlik provides your minimum daily requirement of that sugary staple of hockey fans all over North America, the doughnut. His Off-the-Glass Glazed is to die for. But you’ll also enjoy… Power Play Powdered Sugar, Boston Bruin Crème, Man Advantage Maple, Left Wing Lemon, and Cross-Check Crullers.

Wolski’s Virtuous Vegan… Wojtek Wolski takes the guilt out of baked goods with a vegan approach. Screen Shot Scones, Short Side Shortbread, Five-Hole Whole Grain Bread, and Biscuits in the Basket will be kind to your whole body health.

We gained ten pounds just writing this.

* Actually, it didn’t “come to us.” We have to give a stick tap to JP over at Japers’ Rink for being the inspiration for this dream sequence.

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