It’s July 1st… UFAmas… FreeAgentmas… ShowMeTheMoneymas.
Otherwise known as the first day of the unrestricted free agent signing period in the NHL. And, as you might expect, the cousins are excited as Ralphie and Randy in “A Christmas Story.” Seems as though they even have a toy to help us get through that day, right cous…
“Hey, a Magic 8-Ball… that’s mine.”
“Hush, Cheerless… that’s a finely tuned instrument of prognostication.”
OK, guys, today’s the day. Starting at noon, we’ll be inundated with tweets about free agents signing hither and yon.
“Hey cuz… doesn’t Yon play for the Islanders?”
“That’s Bi-ron, you doofus.”
Alright, that’s enough… why don’t we get right to it and put this 8-ball to work. Will the Caps be active in the market today?
Hey, right off the bat… You try one, Fearless.
“OK, will the Caps sign a defenseman?”
Looks good so far… Let’s try and be more specific? Will it be Anton Volchenkov?
Hmm… Cuz, you try?
“Do I have a shot at dating Megan Fox?”
"HEY!... We’re discussing NHL free agents, not your warped fantasy life. Try again…"
“OK, will it be Willie Mitchell (he ain’t near as good lookin’….)?
That might make some Caps fans happy… what about a center for the second line, does the 8-ball see anything on that score?
“Will it be Saku Koivu?”
Concentrate and ask again? OK… will it be Saku Koivu?
“Ask later, huh… I think yer 8-ball is broke, cuz.”
“Never mind that… ask another question.”
“Are we gonna get Vince Lombardi?”
“Don’t you mean ‘Matthew?’”
“NO, you idiot… oh, never mind… will it Matthew Lombardi?”
“Reply hazy… I’m a’tellin’ ya, the thing’s broke.”
“Well, what do you suggest?”
“If’n yer 8-ball is broke, I say, try good ol’ Number 7!”
Wise man, that Cheerless. Merry FreeAgentmas, Caps fans.