Tuesday, July 12, 2011

50 Things I Don't Want to See, Hear, or Think About Next Season

Because it's July, it's hot outside, and there is enough going on with development camp to keep bloggers busy, we thought we would offer up 50 things we do not want to see, hear, or think about when the next season of hockey rolls around.  We figured we would do this now so that folks would have time to get everything sorted out.  So, here goes...

1. Twitpics of players out on a school night
2. "Lower body injuries"
3. 1-3-1
4. The hockey "experience"
5. "Optional"
6. Southeast Division Champion banner
7. "Stay Angry"
8. Catchy slogans
9. pithy quotes
10. "America's Hockey Capital"
11. Pictures of Caps golfing while teams are still playing for a Stanley Cup
12. "upper body injuries"
13. Helmet screws skittering along the ice because someone blocked a shot with his head
14. No-shot power plays
15. "passengers"
16. offensive zone hooking penalties
17. shootouts
18. Racing Zambonis on the video screen
19. A Mike Green/Ilya Kovalchuk "fight"
20. "Vienna 20" showing on the Metro Center train board when I get there after a game
21. Getting updates on Caps prospects in the Memorial Cup when the Stanley Cup playoffs are still going on.
22. Stories about celebrities wearing Caps paraphernalia
23. Shootouts
24. Insipid arm-waving/thrusting/pointing contests
25. The Scalper Gauntlet
26. Did I say, "shootouts?"
27. Metro elevator/escalator outage messages
28. Stories in May that use the terms "Caps" and "underacheiver" in the same sentence?
29. Alex Ovechkin having to exhort his team "for f**k's sake" after getting into a fight
30. Eight-game losing streaks
31. Luck
32. Matt Hendrick's eye in living color
33. "Bad Sasha"
34. The top Caps story in May being who is doing what in the Memorial Cup
35. "Bad ice"
36. Tom Poti on LTIR
37. Anybody on LTIR (and that goes for opponents, too)
38. The "purple haze" that is the sidewalk on F Street at intermission (cough, cough)
39. The words "[insert name of Capital here]," "groin," and "injury" in the same sentence
40. Fans of other teams using the term "Crapitals"…it's been done to death, find a new term
41. Metro "single tracking" on game nights
42. "Concussion"
43. "Head shot"
44. Oh yeah, and "shootouts"
45. Whining about travel to Winnipeg
46. Fans banging on the glass whenever there is a scrum along the boards
47. Mike Milbury opining on the Caps, good or bad
48. References to a departed Capital as "the player"
49. The word "lockout" unless is it in the form of, "isn't it a shame that the NBA and/or NFL are in a lockout?"
50. And if it isn't clear, "shootouts"

Feel free to add your own.  It's a long summer.