Friday, September 21, 2012

Mr. Commissioner! Mr. Commissioner!!

By now hockey fans know that as these collective bargaining talks - few as they are - go on, Commissioner Gary Bettman is the voice of the National Hockey League.  He is the head negotiator for the league, he is the man at the microphone at the apr├Ęs-talk press conferences.

But what about the voices that speak to the Commissioner?  Oh, we are not talking about Deputy Commissioner Bill Daly or Philadelphia Flyer owner Ed Snider.  We are talking about the voice in the Commissioner’s own head.  The one that whispers to him as the questions are being asked, the one that cues him on the things he can think but never say.

Well, we are not “The Peerless” for nothing.  Using cutting-edge state-of-the-art technology fresh off the drawing boards of the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency we were able to peer deep into the subconscious of the Commissioner, and we can bring to you what he really thinks when he is dutifully addressing the press…

photos: Bruce Bennett/Getty Images North America