Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Summer Rush

We are into Week 2 of the Great 2010 Free Agent Rush, and the term ”rush” makes us think that the Caps are going about this whole free agency signing thing all wrong. No one is signing up. Maybe they're too good for these guys.  It’s like rush at Omega House. You know…

“George McPhee, Omega membership chairman.”

“Anton Kroger. This is my blue line partner, Kent Martin.”

McPhee: “These are our name-tag hostesses, Mandy Pepperidge and Babs Jansen.”

Mandy: “Hi there, Anton. Hi, Kent. Welcome to Omega house.”

McPhee: “Why don't we go meet some of the guys? There are many great guys here, so don't feel you have to meet everyone. We just want you to enjoy yourselves while you're here… Hi there, fellows. Meet Ken and Tony.”

Anton: “Anton.”

McPhee: "Ken, Tony, l'd like you to meet... Tomas... Boyd, Ersky, and Tyler.”


Maybe it would have worked better if…

Anton: “Excuse me, sir. Is this the Kettler house?”

Mike “Bluto” Green: “Sure. Come on in. Grab a brew… Don't cost nothing.”

Martin: “My name is Kent Martin.”

Eric “Otter” Stratvechkin: “Eric Stratvechkin, rush chairman. Damn glad to meet you.”

Nicklas “Boon” Backstrom: “That was Eric Stratvechkin. He was damn glad to meet you.”

Otter: “Damn glad to meet you. Nice tie! Is that a clip-on? Boon, come check this out.”

Boon: “Excuse me. Pardon me… Ninety percent rayon! Very nice.”

Otter: “Did your mother buy that?”

Martin: “Yes.”

Boon: “Kent is a legacy, Otter. His teammate was Dainius Zubrus.

Martin: “He said legacies get asked to sign automatically.”

Otter: “Usually, unless the pledge in question is a real closet case, like Dainius.”

Martin: “My teammate.”

Otter: “I liked the tie.”

Boon: “Great tie.”


Mike Knuble: "Anton Kroger. All in favor."

(All cheering)

Matt Bradley: "We need the bodies."

Knuble: "Good. Anton Kroger is now a pledge to Kettler house. Next slide, please."

(All screaming, booing)

Knuble: "Just a minute! Just settle down! This is Kent Martin. He's a legacy from New Jersey.

(All screaming)

Otter: "Now wait a minute! Okay, this guy is a real zero. That's true. Think back to when you were rookies. Boon, you had a face like a pepperoni pizza, right? And Gordon here. Everybody thought that Gordon was brain damaged. I myself was so obnoxious with those goal celebrations... the veterans shaving creamed me once a week. So this guy is a total loser? Let me tell you the story of another loser...